shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize