My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
