I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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