I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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