she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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