i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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