well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
