It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
