why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize