So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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