toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I stole a fireplace last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
