The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk is not a location!
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