After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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