Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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