I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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