i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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