Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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