i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
