just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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