he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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