There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
