we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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