honey bunches of taint.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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