We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
