No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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