If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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