who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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