I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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