literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
