I'm eating all of the evidence.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
