just come out here and I will go home with you...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize