life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
