Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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