It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
