This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
