I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
