Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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