Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
