WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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