I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize