i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
