I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
