you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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