yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
