sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
