Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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