Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
