I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had to cum in my sink.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
