Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
