At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
