Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
either way he was missing a nipple.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My bed smells like the plague
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