I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There r osticjed everywhere
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
