You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
