If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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