Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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