Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
