Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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