In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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