So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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