Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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