Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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