I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
