I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
